Narasi Perjuangan - Muhammad Azka Gunawan

“The roots of education are bitter, but the fruit is sweet”

-- Aristotle

Allow me to introduce myself my name is Muhammad Azka Gunawan, but I only answer to Azka and I come from Mentari Intercultural School Jakarta, an international private high school that follows the international baccalaureate. As of July 14th 2022 I was accepted to the faculty of medicine in the University of Indonesia (FMUI), specifically its international program admitted through the SIMAK KKI route. Initially I saw FMUI as a destination that I could never reach due to the sheer difference in our curriculums even with its international program. It was a place where the best doctors were made and premier face of medical school in our country, but now I see that place in a completely different light. Now I see it as a place where the efforts of medical students are shown through their red eyes and mild caffeine addiction, a place where students gather as one to succeed and qualify to become not just a doctor, but a doctor carrying UI’s prestigious name beyond the borders of Indonesia.

To say medical school is difficult is like saying hell is hot or the ocean is deep, regardless of the articulation it will always be an understatement. Prior to being accepted I heard anecdotal accounts of someone who is in residency and all the hardship he is facing to become a specialist and so I began to wonder why would anyone want to choose a path that is filled with thorns compared to a path that is significantly easier and would have better job options. For a time I had pondered to that question as choosing medical school is a big commitment and one that is exceedingly difficult to choose. People began to ask me why I would choose medical school and for a month I didn’t know why I chose FMUI, the reasons I thought of were either shallow or arrogant. However after a month of thinking and pondering I found a sufficient answer to that question, and that answer came in the form of Doctors without Borders (MSF). Up until that point I didn’t know why I was against going to medical school after internal processing I found that the reason was because I felt that if I went to FMUI I would be unable to go abroad to work or for my masters and more importantly, I thought that should I become a doctor I would be trapped in the same monotonous routine for decades. However an ad from MSF had given me an option and reignited my desire to go to FMUI as joining their ranks would enable me to work within an international community and deploy to different areas from domestic deployments to European or Middle Eastern deployments. Therefore I had decided that should I be accepted into FMUI my goal to join MSF and having the privilege of working in that international community would be the reason why I will endure the hardships of medical school.

As I mentioned previously I attend a private high school that follows the international baccalaureate program. Moreover I have been with this particular school since pre-school so I always saw myself different from those who attend public schools. The first differences came in terms of language and uniforms, where I spoke English and wore blue uniforms they spoke Indonesian and wore red and white uniforms, and as time went on the differences only grew larger and larger. During my final years in junior high school I attended a private tutoring center to increase my grades in the National Exams and at that point the differences were at its peak. Our subjects, although had the same topics, had wildly differing teaching styles as one focused upon traditional memorization where the other focused on developing critical thinking it was as if I had entered a whole new world as soon as I stepped foot in that classroom. Therefore it should come as no surprise that attending a public university never occurred to me as the sheer difference in upbringing would be too much of an overload. I only seriously considered applying to FMUI with the news of talent scouting reached me in school and I was very much interested in the international program UI had. Although I failed the talent scouting I would eventually try again in the SIMAK after much convincing and pleading from my parents. At that point I was given a month of intensive tutoring to prepare myself for the SIMAK and it was in that month that my true struggle began.

From 4th June until 4th July I was effectively kept inside a hotel building and studied every day from 8:00 until 20:00 with breaks in between. My time there was arduous as I was a student from an international private high school applying to the most prestigious public universities in my country and I had effectively only had 26 days to adapt, change, and learn new topics and styles of question. So the majority of the time I felt anxious and as if I wasn’t good enough, slowly developing an inferiority complex inside of me. Despite my feelings of inferiority compared to the other students who were far better equipped than me I moved forward with the program believing not in myself, but in the systematic learning process given to us. By the end of the program and after the exam my sketch book was filled with notes and marks I made and my laptop was used so much it broke. As for me I was looking forward to spending the next 20 hours sitting on a couch and emptying my brains out, but after only 3 days I started to study for another entrance exam for Atma Jaya and the University of Airlangga. After the interview and psychiatric evaluation I was exhausted from studying, applying, and thinking, thankfully I could stop applying for University of Airlangga and Atma Jaya as my acceptance into FMUI gave me a brief window of rest among the chaos. The road was rough and hard, I had to make major adjustments that went against habits I formed for the last 18 years, but it was well worth for my journey was not without meaning as I am one step closer to my goal.

Prior to joining FMUI KKI I had promise the friends I made during that 30 days of tutoring that should I be accepted into UI I would treat them to a night out. However, since the announcement came at the 14th and they were gone before the 5th that promise remains unfulfilled. A more relevant change that I have committed to during my time in FMUI is to become active in my networking and befriending new people from different faculties, but especially my own. Not only that, but during my time in FMUI KKI I will promise to always serve my best academic performance and understand the lessons taught to me so I may use it well in the future. As for the changes I commit to after FMUI KKI I would like very much to gain a new perspective by joining MSF early on my career as a doctor to gain valuable experience.

My hope for myself during the time I spend in FMUI is to maximize it in terms of academic prowess and creating and expanding my network in UI. It is my sincere hope that the time I spend in UI isn’t just studying to earn good grades in exam, but also to make memories that I can cherish long after I graduate UI, memories that will bring me comfort and remind me of the possibilities of growth and change. I also hope that in the process of making such comforting memories I can simultaneously expand my network in the Indonesian medical community by making friends with my fellow classmates and expand my network in Indonesia as a whole by making friends in other faculties.

As for the hopes I have with my batch, I hope that we can work together so that we all may pass and become doctors. In my view the time for competition and rankings are over as we are already accepted, now is the time for us to work together to ensure that we all get the help we need to overcome challenges and harships. I hope this batch can serve as a strong foundation for us to stand on, not as students, but as doctors one day.

My plan for my pre-clinic years is to establish a strong circle of friends in my first semester, a group where I can rely on when I need help whether it be academic or non-academic. Afterwards I can focus on studying and making sure I have materials I need to discuss and study for the different exams in the future. However I do have a wish inspired by a fellow medical student from Atma Jaya now named dr. Fidelis Jacklyn Adella.

In her time in Atma Jaya she had the privilege to receive an 8 month intership in Sumba, NTT as she also wished to join MSF, in fact my desire of joining MSF was in no small part thanks to her as she gave me the idea and inspiration to believe I can also get an internship. The establishment of a reliable circle of friends can be done by participating in class and showing that I am a reliable and skilled person which will then attract the right people. However my hope for an internship with MSF will have to wait as I have to ask the administrative body of UI to see if its possible and I would also have to inquire MSF about what can I do to make myself more qualified for that internship. Since I will need some level of practical skills for that internship I believe an optimal time would be at year 3 so I am in no rush to address this aspiration.

As for my plan during my clinical years I believe that I don’t have enough information or emotions to make any bold and clear goals, but the way I see it the best course of action I can take is to establish a strong theoretical foundation during my clinical years. However, to truly excel in my clinical years I would have to spend extra time honing my practical skills like extracting blood and administering an IV bag. On the other hand for the time I when I become a doctor I suppose I could either start working for MSF immediately, begin my specialty education, or go abroad to earn a masters. I’m still not quite sure what kind of doctor I want to be, but currently I am very interested in the prospect of working for MSF.

As my future plans involve joining MSF in one point or another I can safely say that when I do I will be seeing blood and gore in an excessive amount due to preventable diseases or conflicts. When I do I hope I have the blessing to also witness some form of joy during those conflict despite the widespread presence of conflict and diseases. Furthermore I also hope to inspire and contribute something more in the community I am active in like ensuring that the local people know what how to respond to common emergencies and know the correct protocol.

To the high school students with a burning passion for to join FMUI, but believe that they are unable to get in. I want you to remember that if there is a way in FMUI for someone like me, a person who has spent his entire life planning and preparing to go abroad for my undergraduate, then there is definitely a way for you to get in. So don’t think that you can’t or won’t get in because of whatever reason, we won’t know the truth until you give it your best and even if you should fail at least you can walk away with an answer and not more speculation.